


First Ever I...

by MellytheHun



Series: Kylux Week 2016 [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Hux, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Fluff, Humor, I refuse to accept his canon name, I'm still using my fanon name for Hux, Kylux Week 2016, Love Confessions, M/M, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, Power Bottom Hux, Praise Kink, Romance, Smut, Top Kylo Ren, Tumblr Prompt, tumblr event
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 08:57:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8743573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellytheHun/pseuds/MellytheHun
Summary: Kylux Week 2016 Day 1 (December 5th): First Times





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elyonmelon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elyonmelon/gifts).



Kylo Ren was twenty-four when he met General Hux. 

Snoke had warned him ahead of time that the General was not to be trifled with or taken too lightly – not to underestimate him. Kylo didn’t think much of it at the time, imagined the General would be as boring and unimpressive as all the other military personnel he’d met, but once he did meet the General, he understood.

Almost immediately, General Hux was frustrated with having to share his power over his army, feeling like authority he had cried, bled and sweat for was being undermined. He didn’t see Kylo’s forced alliance as the gift it was meant to be – he saw it as a burden. The General being emotionally removed from Kylo altogether – as if Kylo weren’t there at all – wasn’t what was most fascinating about the first encounter, though.

What fascinated Kylo the most was how genuinely unafraid of him the General was. 

General Hux clearly believed in the powers of the Force – he worked directly with Supreme Leader Snoke, he had some peripheral knowledge about it – academic, mostly, just surface knowledge as he was not Force-sensitive in the least. He believed in the power of the Force, of the Dark side, but in the face of it (or rather, the mask it wore), he was apathetic at best.

Kylo had never met someone so unperturbed by the power he knew emanated off of him and the threat his very presence posed. He had never before encountered someone so unimpressed by the hazard of him, so unconcerned with his lethality. He had never met someone who could stare so blandly down the barrel of a loaded gun.

He had also never met someone with red hair before. 

Humans with naturally red hair were a rarity in the galaxy and there was something appealing about the General’s red hair. It made him distinctly unique, which was notable in a world of black, grey and silver uniforms, all pristine and freshly pressed. In a world where everyone walked and talked in time, conditioned and reconditioned to not stray outside the lines.

Kylo knew he had some beauty marks, some characteristics that made him a striking and memorable face as well, but those traits only made him look young. He didn’t like that about his face – he wished he would age normally and not so slowly or well as Leia Organa. 

Unfortunately for him, he had inherited that trait. At twenty-four, by face alone, he hardly passed for eighteen. He at least stood tall – and this too was unique about General Hux. He stood only an inch shorter than Kylo and Kylo was unused to standing alongside people of similar height to him. 

While Kylo had been studying and taking note of Hux’s most remarkable physical features, Snoke had been talking. He missed whatever it was – too distracted with familiarizing himself with red hair and high collars. Snoke’s voice petered out into an expectant silence and that was Kylo’s cue to turn his head – he was mildly surprised to see General Hux already facing him. 

His aura was green and blue with aggravation and disdain, but his posture and expression gave little away. He looked like an icon of cold poise, perfectly polite, but also perhaps a moment away from sinking fangs into whoever dared to get close enough. Kylo could hear Hux’s overlapping thoughts like radio signals being mixed through static – there was so much going on in him, but nothing showed on the outside.

_Remarkable self-control…_

Picking his eyes up from the General’s uniform to his head was the first time Kylo saw his eyes and really registered his countenance, his pale but symmetrical face.

His hair was perfectly parted, shining as clearly as his eyes, which were a haunting, electric blue. His brows were a soft red to match his hair, his lashes were long and opaque, his bottom lip was fuller than his top, his cheekbones were high and his jawline strong. He was a face hard to forget.

“Well,” the General started, extending his gloved hand with just the slightest unpleasant twinge in his upper lip, as if holding back a sneer of disgust, “good to finally meet you, Ren. While I doubt you’ll require anything from me, if the occasion arises, my personal comm channel is zero-zero-nine and I will… tend to whatever your needs might be.”

The resistance was strong in the General; he loathed offering his help, he despised the very thought of tending to Kylo as a guest and it was palpable. 

Without saying anything in return, Kylo shook the proffered hand and then watched the General turn and leave. When the doors to the conference hall shut, he looked up to Snoke who was smirking deviously.

“You are impressed.”

“I am,” Kylo answered.

“I told you he was not ordinary.”

Kylo turned his head slightly towards the shut doors, thinking on the General and he replied thoughtfully, “no. No, he is not.”


	2. First Show of Power

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Kylo murders someone in this segment. It's not very explicit, but please read carefully.

Hux was twenty-seven the first time he saw Kylo Ren use his rumored ‘powers.’ 

He had been doubtful – not that Kylo Ren would be useful (at some point, Hux was pretty sure – Ren would probably be useful at some point) and he hadn’t doubted Snoke’s choice in apprentice (often), but without anything tangible, without anything made physical and real, Hux had difficulties conceiving of power. Especially power so great – what he could not see, touch or measure himself, he could not believe in.

A blaster pressed up against his temple is real and it’s deadly and it’s powerful, a fire starting at Hux’s feet and slowly climbing up his uniform is real and it’s deadly and it’s powerful – a germ or disease, shrapnel ricocheting and flying in all directions, ships or even smaller transporters traveling at full speed on a collision course – it’s all visible, real danger.

Kylo Ren was physically strong, he was tall, he carried himself with a heavy step, but never in Hux’s company before had he ignited his saber or outstretched a hand and simply ended someone’s life in a performance of dominance.

Invisible, soundless and intangible Kylo Ren’s danger might have been, but he proved rather quickly and securely that his power was very much real.

Some unthinking Officer had made an off-hand insinuation about Kylo Ren’s birthmother – or something to that effect, anyway. Hux didn’t actually hear the insult spoken – he only saw the result of it.

In less than a split second, that Officer was ten feet off the ground, struggling against a hand around their throat that wasn’t really there. As they gasped and made animalistic pleading noises, Kylo Ren warned through his vocoder, “my parentage does not concern you. Any of you. I am the descendant of Darth Vader with power you will never know. That is all that concerns you.”

There was a buzzing, anxious silence that followed on the control bridge – Hux had never been in a situation like that, so he hadn’t known how to react. He watched rather helplessly as Ren twisted his wrist just slightly, but sharply and all remaining Officers, droids and personnel cringed at the snapping of the floating Officer’s neck. Looking a little off, like a broken doll, the body hit the floor, breaking more bones too loudly in the silence.

“Any questions?” Ren asked the room.

The remaining personnel ducked their heads in fear and looked to Hux for direction. He had kept his expression still and stoic, despite his empty stomach turning over itself.

Not that Hux was bothered by murder or death – death meant little to him but retirement or something to keep his hands busy. His stomach twisted not for disgust or fear, but with the troubling realization that he’d been handed a wild horse with no reigns. 

He could not have stopped Ren from killing that Officer – no order he shouted would have saved them because Ren is not his subordinate. Physically, he was not a match to Ren unless Ren would not use the Force as a weapon against him. Hux had matched humans and other species alike in battle – beings stronger, taller and more physically intimidating than Kylo and he’d beaten them. None of them could sever a man’s spinal cord with just the flick of their wrist, however. 

It wasn’t like he could have tackled Ren to the ground and he wasn’t inclined to either. In fact, he was really only bothered that he’d been saddled with someone so easily upset (especially when Hux _knew_ there were other Knights of Ren he could have been paired with) and that one of his staff members was gone (meaning, more work for him). The troopers were canon fodder as far as Hux was concerned, but his Officers were more competent and he didn’t appreciate his staff numbers dropping all because Ren had a temper.

In that moment, Ren was a child staring him down after having intentionally destroyed some fine china – it was power play. How he approached this first display of power play was important and Hux knew that – he knew that however he reacted to that murder would establish the power dynamic between them forever. 

He would not be undermined.

“If you’re quite finished acting out like a barbaric child, I’d have you clean up the mess you’ve made and get the Hells off my bridge.”

Behind that mask, Hux had never seen Ren’s face. He relied a lot on body language and micro-expressions in situations like these; situations that call for his intellectual superiority and psychological fortitude. He couldn’t know what Ren was feeling or thinking, though – he was just a dark and silent shadow.

_Why do you not fear me?_

In basic training, one cannot yawn, crack a joint, stretch or so much as have a bowel movement without the approval of a superior. So many hours, collectively days, Hux stood in straight lines, his head held high and perfectly still while instructors screamed at him, his body ached, bruised and wore down and he showed no signs of weakness or fatigue at all. Learning to conceal normal bodily functions was simple enough in comparison to what else he was forced to learn.

There were much more difficult lessons in stillness to be had; when Hux was in basic training, there were these terribly annoying insects that flew about any exposed skin and bit, leaving small, irritated bumps that would last for weeks. Hux hated them – they also made a very loud buzzing noise that would cause a knee-jerk reaction to swat near his ears. He couldn’t scratch the itching bites, though and he couldn’t swat near his head. He had to remain perfectly still or face highly unpleasant consequences.

It is by the grace of that training alone that Hux had no visible reaction to Ren entering his head without invitation. 

_Why are you thinking of sand fleas?_

_Because you’re just as bothersome_ , Hux thought quickly, loudly and clearly, _and the next you have the compulsion to throw such a bratty tantrum, I would suggest you not use my Officers._ _Now get out of **my head** and off my **damn bridge**._

There was a beat of silence, the bizarre sensation of energy or air, maybe, being pulled from Hux’s sinuses (which he later determined was the physical effect Ren had when leaving his mind) and then Ren was turning his back and storming away, clearly dissatisfied with the interaction.

Hux was only dissatisfied with the issue of the body lying on the floor.


	3. First Sign of Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mention of blood, implication of child abuse and Hux has a panic attack.  
> Based on this chapter, you can sorta assume this story takes place in the same universe as Not About Angels.

Kylo was twenty-seven the first time he ever saw a crack in the General’s cool, stony exterior.

He had been on board the _Finalizer_ for nearly four standard years at that point – he was nearing his twenty-eighth birthday – and in those four standard years, he had never seen the General break a sweat. Never. Not _once_.

The General was an admirably, endlessly frustratingly immovable object. His physical posture was never anything but regal, his expression never anything but apathetic (if jaded at times), his tone never anything but unemotional and even and his eyes were always lidded. They would be lidded in this way that spoke to ease and control, a mild, unshakeable attitude. The General was untouchable, unbothered by most anything and no matter what Kylo destroyed, who he threatened or killed, the General never lost his own temper. He was the numbing ice to Kylo’s raging fire.

They did not get along.

That would begin to change, however.

The first thing Kylo sensed that day was a spike in panic somewhere on the ship – it broke him from his meditation like an alarm drill sounding. He was tucked away in his quarters, enjoying the solitude and oneness when someone’s cortisol levels shot up so high, he was rather sure they were dying.

Leia Organa once told Ben Solo that cortisol was the Fight-or-Flight hormone, the chemical to thank for all sentient existence and survival. She failed to mention the third option.

Fight, Flight or _Freeze_.

Kylo learned that one all on his own and as it turned out, freezing was typically the most dangerous reaction to threat.

Curious about whoever was clearly dying a very painful, stressful death and worried about why that person’s energy was powerful enough to pull him from a Delta stage of meditation, Kylo stood, put his mask on and followed the energy like a honing beacon.

Somehow, he had not expected to find the General there.

He was hiding down a corridor in the conference halls, standing with a hunched back, holding his forehead as if he were trying to push something back into his skull through the space between his brows. He was muttering to himself, sweating, his neck was flushed as were his ears and Kylo could _see_ him dissociating.

Dissociation and depersonalization – these were the terms people who could not see what Kylo could see used for these events. Kylo could see with bright clarity, however, how the General was becoming unstuck from time.

His astral form was making some attempt to separate from his physical body and Hux was weighing it down with a leaden, intense aura of suicidal loathing, disgust, rage, mourning and unprecedented insecurity.

Without stepping toward the General, Kylo extended his mind down the hall, letting his consciousness coat the floor like a shallow flood until it met with the chaotic energy the General was producing.

Kylo could hear blasters firing, smell plant life and dirt and the sickly-sweet stench of fresh death. He could see hands – small hands, much too small to be so dirty and bloody – he could hear someone screaming for help so desperately their voice went hoarse.

_He’s having a flash-back…_

Any intense form of emotion, aside from unwavering pride, never seemed possible in regard to Hux. He was ice, after all. Perhaps, if Kylo truly understood that, he would have foreseen the General’s instincts binding him. _Freezing_ him.

Kylo took a step closer to the General, but the General had his eyes shut and was muttering still. This time, Kylo listened.

“You are here and here is real and you are real, you are here and here is real and you are real, you are here and here is real and you are real –“

“How are you so sure?”

Just for how quickly the General spun toward him, Kylo’s hand went to the hilt of his lightsaber automatically.

Before turning around, Kylo was rather excited to feed off the General’s dismayed energy. The General’s animosity for Kylo was clear and always had been – he had never felt Kylo was deserving of co-commandment on the _Finalizer_ , he despised that Kylo was born with great power while he had to fight for every modicum he possessed, he envied Kylo’s favored status in the eyes of Snoke and he detested how Kylo bucked authority at every turn.

The General was good at concealing and reigning in those unpleasant emotions, however and so Kylo’s powers were generally weaker around Hux than any other he interacted with. Kylo’s powers were enhanced by engaging with intense emotional displays and so his powers weakened in the emotional drought that was General Hux. There was never anything to feed off of, because the General never offered his emotions plainly, never let them grow or get out of hand.

When first approaching the General, sensing how absolutely distraught the man was, Kylo looked forward to bleeding some of the involuntarily proffered power. Then the General twisted around to face him and the notion of taking anything from him fled from Kylo’s mind in an instant.

Hux’s eyes were wide, so brightly blue they might have been white, making his eyes seem enormous in their fear. The fringe of his hair was just a little mussed by the way his hands had been cupping his forehead and he was about ten hues paler than was typical.

Kylo stopped being curious about what he could gain from the General and much more interested in understanding what he was looking at.

“What are you doing here?”

“I felt you.”

“What?”

“I felt your panic and I –“

“I am _not **panicked**_!”

“Of course not.”

Apparently, at that moment, the General was not impressed with Kylo’s dry sense of humor, if his scathing glare was anything to go by.

“What has happened?” Kylo asked, securing his hold on the hilt of his saber, “Where is the danger? Just direct me and I will eliminate it.”

Kylo thought there must be a feral Nexu or Dragonsnake roaming the ship freely if the General was so unnerved – Kylo couldn’t imagine what else might elicit such unparalleled fear. He looked over his shoulder, like he might see traces of whatever great animal he was about to kill, but then Hux spoke again.

“ _Danger_? There’s no _danger_ , there’s no – what are you still _doing_ here? Sod off!”

Kylo had never heard that turn of phrase before, but nothing was lost in translation. Rather than ‘sodding off,’ Kylo came into the General’s personal space, extended his hand near the General’s head and pulled his most recent memories to the surface.

Under any other circumstances, that task would have been next to impossible – Hux’s mental fortitude was unmatched and try as Kylo might, he could never break into Hux’s head without being noticed or instantly pushed out. In that moment, though, the General’s guards were down and he couldn’t defend himself from Kylo’s intrusion.

The images offered were murky and phantasmagoric, dreamlike in their inconsistency and bizarre timelessness.

There was a man – stout, dark-haired with even darker eyes. He had a jaw and nose similar to the General’s and it took just a moment before it all came together.

“Your father,” Kylo started, his vocoder betraying nothing, “You’ve just had a conference with your father. Why does interacting with him produce this reaction from you?”

“ _Out_!” the General shouted, pushing Kylo’s chest to shove him backward, “ _Get out_! _Get out of my head_! You can’t help me, you _won’t_ help me and I’d sooner let my heart give out than take another minute of staring at some faceless beast that only knows how to rip things apart!”

Slightly disarmed by the General’s uncharacteristic candidness, physicality and upset, Kylo made the impulsive decision to show the General his face. Beastly he may have been, but he was not faceless and he knew much more than how to shred things. He could prove it too.

He removed his mask and set it on the floor.

When he met Hux’s wide eyes again, he said simply, “I can help. And I will, if you let me.”

Jumping at the first note of Kylo’s natural voice, the General started off alarmed and his panic only heightened from there.

Kylo couldn’t understand why his gesture of faith had only seemed to further disturb the General.

“Why would I _ever_ trust you?”

Kylo didn’t have an answer to that question, but it made a superficial wound on his ego. He knew he hadn’t been an easy partner to get along with, but he thought at the very least, the General could trust him with his physical well-being. It hurt him, unexpectedly, to know that General Hux didn’t trust him _at all_.

“Why couldn’t you?”

Voice leaping up two or three octaves in astonishment, Hux retorted, “what reason have you ever given me to!?”

For seconds that felt like full days, Kylo stood motionless. There was nothing at his disposal, in terms of a defense. He could have said that the fact Master Snoke had ordered him, quite specifically, not to ‘trifle,’ with the General was reason enough to believe he was being sincere, but somehow, Kylo knew that excuse wouldn’t work. He couldn’t come up with a reason as to why the General ought to have trusted him.

“Exactly,” the General hissed in response to Kylo’s silence, “Now forget what you’ve seen here and leave me al –“

Kylo waved his hand above and around the back of Hux’s head until his palm was positioned near to where Hux’s amygdala was misfiring. He shut his eyes, giving himself access to the inside of Hux’s skull, seeing the hippocampus and left side hemisphere twitching with electric over-activity. He blanketed himself around most of it, but synapses were still firing – Hux was still hearing things and seeing things and smelling things that weren’t really there.

Kylo was good at creating illusions and hallucinations – he was never trained in eliminating them, though.

He followed his instincts, hoping they would lead him to relieving the General and he asked, calmly, “what are you seeing?”

“ _What_ are you _doing_?”

“Just tell me or I’ll go look for myself.”

Hesitating at first, the General eventually conceded and responded sharply, “my father.”

“What else? What is your father doing?”

“Watching me.”

“Watching you do what?”

“Kill someone.”

Curiosity pushed aside for the time being, Kylo asked, “what are you doing now?”

“Killing someone.”

“No, you’re not.”

The left side hemisphere sparked with activity, the hallucinations strengthening and Kylo tried to subdue them.

Even with his eyes shut, Kylo could _feel_ Hux’s indignant scowl, “yes, I – that’s what I told you, I said I’m –“

“No, right now – what’s happening to you _right now_.”

“… _nothing_! You’re annoying me with asinine –“

“Nothing, that’s right,” Kylo interrupted.

There was a beat of silence and Kylo witnessed the flashing and twitching in Hux’s brain come to a gradual stop. He pulled away from the inside of Hux’s skull and opened his eyes to meet Hux’s icy stare.

“Nothing is happening now. The danger is gone. It’s passed,” Kylo assured, “You are here now, on the _Finalizer_ , being annoyed by me. Not under your father’s watch or killing anyone.”

The aura around the General was turning into a smoky turquoise – Kylo wasn’t sure what to make of it because he’d never seen that color aura before. He couldn’t tell what emotions it represented, but he could appreciate how well the turquoise complimented the color of Hux’s eyes. The General’s astral form was at least staying put, though. That had to be an improvement.

“You’re safe now.”

_Am I…?_

Kylo was positive he wasn’t meant to hear that thought, so he didn’t respond directly to it.

“You were right – you are here and here is real. Here is the _Finalizer_ , your body, my body – we are both real. You are safe.”

“I’m…”

“Safe.”

It took a moment or so, but Kylo realized that what the General was struggling with was not that he was out of physical danger, but the idea that being in Kylo’s presence was somehow synonymous with safety.

Kylo looked down at the General’s long legs and swept his right hand to the left, moving the air around him so that Hux landed swiftly on the ground with an affronted noise.

“Ren! What in the Hells –“

“You need to rest.”

“That’s no way to –“

Effectively silencing further complaints, Kylo sat down next to the General on the floor and asked, “does your father always make you feel that way?”

He looked to Hux’s profile and was relieved to see Hux’s eyes were lidded again – it spoke more to exhaustion than anything else, but his anxiety was steadily declining and Kylo was glad for it.

“Not… not always. When his voice gets too soft. It’s just…” Hux trailed off – the pause was so long, it was troubling; then Hux finished, “…I’d really prefer not to talk about this, if it’s all the same to you, Ren.”

“It’s not all the same to me,” Kylo responded readily and honestly, making Hux’s head turn toward him in a small degree of surprise, “It matters. But if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.”

A short while of companionable silence passed and then Kylo watched, very warily, as Hux picked his arm up and put his hand on Kylo’s forearm. He wouldn’t meet Kylo’s eyes again, but he said, softly, “thank you for that.”

“You know my personal comm channel,” Kylo mentioned, staring down then at Hux’s dexterous hand so near his, “I am available – whenever you might need me for whatever type of protection.”

 _"Even if it's from yourself,"_ went unspoken but was heard by both.

Hux swept his hair back, smoothing it over with his free hand and sighing deeply.

“Don’t take offense if I never comm you. And please don’t speak of this to anyone.”

“I hope you can find someway to trust that I won’t,” Kylo answered.

The General said nothing back to him, which was fine, Kylo supposed. All he noticed after that was the slight tremor in Hux’s hand and he wondered if there was anyway to fix that as well.


	4. First Act of Kindness

Hux was thirty-two the first time he and Ren actually _got along_.

Strangely enough, it happened _after_ the destruction of Starkiller – a time when Hux was positive he’d despise Kylo Ren for the rest of his natural life. As soon as Ren was released from the med bay, though, Hux couldn’t find the energy to loathe _or_ pity the man. He wasn’t sure what he felt, really. He may have been too tired to feel anything at all. 

He was aggravated, certainly, but he was drained as well and rather fearful Supreme Leader Snoke would smite him soon. Hux was a man that liked winning and didn’t consider a victory a victory unless he was the one to call it. So, the thought of being killed by Snoke before seeing the First Order rise into full galactic power was frustrating to him. He’d die very annoyed if it was before he was able to claim his win.

So, that day Ren was released from the med bay, Hux just didn’t have any energy left to be bothered by him.

Begrudgingly, Hux could admit that it was an unexpectedly nice change of pace to see real Ren’s face more. He really did hate that helmet Ren was so fond of. He hated it aesthetically and he hated the vocoder. Seeing and hearing Ren authentically made interacting with him exponentially easier and much more pleasant. Even Hux could put his pride aside long enough to admit that Ren was nice to look at and his voice was such a deep bass, it was much more intriguing and ominous than his vocoder. 

Hux was in the reserved cafeteria area – meant for high-ranking Officers and superiors. Ren was allowed there as well, despite not being a legitimate member of the First Order. Hux used to resent that fact, but he’d grown tired of resenting Ren over every small thing. He was just… _tired_.

Truthfully, he wasn’t all too surprised when Ren walked in – they were the only two in the room, though and Ren had no food with him, which Hux thought was odd. He couldn’t think of why Ren would be there unless he wanted something to eat. He had wrappings around his neck and he was shirtless, revealing very newly-treated wounds that would doubtlessly scar darkly against his chest and side.

“No helmet,” Hux commented first.

Hux so hated small-talk – it was a waste of everyone’s time and he was a punctual, efficient man. He didn’t busy himself with idle chat. 

“No,” Ren agreed, voice hoarse, “It was lost on Starkiller.”

Briefly considering what might be the most appropriate reaction, Hux decided he was too fatigued to think on it that much and just nodded his understanding. 

“I can’t imagine your medical advisors suggested walking about without a shirt on?”

Shrugging and then visibly regretting it, Ren rubbed at his wounded shoulder and replied, “nurses said to let them breathe as much as I could. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“I don’t.”

Then Ren stood there, near the door, eyes wandering like he had no idea what to do with himself. Typically, granted this situation, Hux would use it to embarrass Ren and mock him for being an indecisive child with no social graces. There was no time or energy for that, though, so he decided instead to gesture to the seat next to him, welcoming Ren to be near him.

Maybe for the first time ever, Ren followed instruction without complaint or argument and sat down beside Hux. Hux thought to himself that if Ren was following orders by him and by nurses, he must have been immensely tired himself. His stare was preoccupied with Hux and Hux could understand why – he was out of uniform, which, in five standard years, he knew Ren had never seen him.

He was wearing his old Academy tank, which was fitted and dark grey, his dog tags were visibly hanging around his neck when they were normally tucked into the high collar of his uniform, he was wearing black, cotton pants and no shoes. His hair was a dry mess as well; freshly washed and air-dried, but he knew that when he let his hair just dry like that, it wound up looking like a bird’s nest set on fire. 

His weariness was no dramatization. He couldn’t find the drive or purpose to do most anything – getting dressed into full uniform seemed so complicated and boring and there was no way to see into the private lunch room from the outside, so it wasn’t as if his subordinates would catch him out of dress code. He hadn’t expected Ren, but he also didn’t really care about Ren seeing him underdressed. He wasn’t part of the fleet and he wasn’t a superior and he hardly had room to talk, so – no harm, no foul.

“You’re staring,” Hux chided in a tone very similar to that of his late-mother’s.

“You’ve got wraps around your arms,” Ren said back, some degree of concern breaking through.

Hux stopped stirring his tea to stare at the arm he had resting on the tabletop and replied, “got burnt hefting you to the escape pod. Two broken fingers, a hairline fracture as well. That reminds me – I’ve been meaning to ask you, do you _eat rocks_?”

Ren was clearly not in the mood for good humor.

“Starkiller was yours,” Ren said blankly, “…I bear the weight of its destruction and there is nothing for me to do but apologize to you. I… don’t think I can repay you for the damages and I don’t know why you still rescued me, which thanking you for seems too little to do.”

“Snoke ordered me to go back for you,” Hux replied simply, bringing his tea up to his chapped lips, “And stop being so dramatic. If my design had been flawless, as it ought to have been, then destruction wouldn’t have come to it. Starkiller was my responsibility and ultimately, my failure. And thanking me for lugging your useless arse back to the _Finalizer_ is quite fine – frankly, your almost-apology for Starkiller is reward enough. You mope about the ship enough, though, so don’t add this to your list of ‘things to angst over,’ please. I’ve lost enough troopers and Officers to your sour mood swings.”

Staring down at the tabletop while Hux sipped his tea, Ren waited some long few beats before saying, gently, “I’m worried about losing my mask. Worried your army won’t take me seriously anymore. You know – once they see me. What I really look like.”

Hux put his cup back down and stared at Ren’s bent head for a minute, fighting the impulse to brush his unruly hair back.

Then he wondered why he was bothering to fight the urge. Fighting was demanding and draining and did anything matter anymore? Probably not.

Ren made a sharp intake the moment Hux’s bandaged fingers came in contact with his hair, tucking it behind his ear. Ren turned to look at him very hesitantly, but Hux’s eyelids were heavy and his gaze was stuck on a constellation of beauty marks across the side of Ren’s face.

“If I tell my men you’re to be feared and respected, you _will_ be feared and respected. Don’t worry over it. I won’t allow anyone to undermine your authority just because you’re _pretty_.”

Simpering at his own obnoxious banter, Hux could tell how shocked Ren was – it wasn’t often Hux admitted Ren had any authority aboard the _Finalizer_ , but what was the point in denying it anymore? Hux had lost everything and he thought he’d likely die soon, so, who really cared if Ren had authority or not? 

“You’re being remarkably patient with me.”

At that, Hux had to laugh. It may have been the first time he laughed in front of Ren; Ren certainly didn’t know what to do with that reaction if his bewildered expression was a hint to the inner-workings of his complicated mind.

“Well, I would certainly hope I’m a patient man, otherwise I might have murdered you long ago.”

After blinking once in wonder, Ren’s face relaxed, he smirked and put his elbow on the table so he could hold his head up and stare at Hux.

“ _You_? Murder _me_? Unlikely. I could snap you in half over my knee.”

“You seem to be operating under the impression that in hand-to-hand combat, you would even be capable of _catching me_ ,” Hux observed with only half-feigned pomposity, “You know, in combat training, there was an instructor that nicknamed me Red Bush Viper.”

“I assume that’d be impressive if I knew what a Red Bush Viper was?” Ren asked sarcastically.

Hux smiled deviously back at him and replied, “oh, you _should_ be impressed. Red Bush Vipers are lethally venomous, notable for their speed, dragon-like scales, bright eyes and vivid orange-to-red coloring. It was quite a compliment to receive that nickname. Trying to get a hand on me in battle is a lot like trying to wrangle one of those bastards while blindfolded and hopping on one leg.”

Ren snorted disbelievingly, but it was good-natured and Hux thought to himself he rather liked seeing Ren smile, even if it was at his expense. He wasn’t positive he’d seen Ren smile before.

Perhaps they were both losing their minds in the wake of Starkiller.

Ren reached out, taking Hux’s arm into his two calloused hands. Hux stared down at the way his pale skin and white wrappings were stark against the tan of Ren’s skin, though he wasn’t entirely sure how Ren managed to be tanner than him when they saw roughly the same amount of starlight. 

“They haven’t set your wrist correctly.”

“No?” Hux asked curiously, glancing down at where Ren handled his forearm, “I never do trust those nurses to do anything correctly. How can you see it?”

“I can’t,” Ren answered, still looking down at it, “I can sense it, though. Do you want me to re-set it?”

Genuinely surprised he was being given a choice in the matter, Hux pouted thoughtfully before answering, “yeah. Yeah, alright.”

Ren shut his eyes, his warm fingers curling around the width of Hux’s arm and then Hux felt chills all over, a cooling sensation under the skin and muscle of his injured arm and then he heard a quiet snap, seethed in abrupt and slight pain and then it was over. 

Ren loosened his hold without letting go, opened his eyes and said, “didn’t warn you it might hurt – people always make it hurt more than it really does when they think about it too much, so not telling ahead of time makes them less likely to wriggle or throw a fit when the pain comes.”

“Throwing fits – sounds just like me,” Hux muttered jokingly.

Ren rolled his dark eyes and then followed Hux’s down to the arm still in his hands. Hux was wondering why Ren hadn’t let go yet, but he wasn’t entirely keen on forcing Ren to let him go. Hux didn’t often let people into his personal space, much less touch him, especially for extended periods of time like that. He thought it was nice to be touched gently and with care.

Not as though he was fragile – but as if his comfort really did matter. 

He wondered if he mattered to Ren.

Ren’s bare fingers, index and fore, ran down the length of his wrapped arm, from the bend of his elbow to the heart of his palm. It was a tender caress and Hux could see no tactical purpose for the gesture. Ren may have touched him just for the sake of touching him, which was an interesting thought.

“Thank you for not murdering me, then.”

Hux pulled his stare up from where Ren was touching him to where Ren was actively gazing at him. There was some glistening going on in those eyes – not anything to worry over (Hux hoped), but cogs were being set into motion, some idea was forming and while Hux wasn’t Force-sensitive and couldn’t tell what thoughts were coming together for Ren, he could certainly tell something was being concocted. 

“Give it time,” Hux joked.

Ren smiled at him, his eyes glittering, as if that was precisely the response he wanted or hoped for.


	5. First Thoughtful Gesture

Kylo was twenty-nine the first time Hux explicitly showed that he cared about Kylo.

It was shortly after the fall of Starkiller and once they had both been rehabilitated enough to stand for an extended audience with Snoke, they were called into the chamber.

Kylo had already gotten word from Hux, Phasma and two control bridge Officers that he was being dispatched to Snoke’s citadel for training – which he dreaded, but knew was unavoidable. Just meeting eyes with Snoke’s hologram made his wounds ache anew.

After Snoke gave them both vague direction and was ready to call an end to the conference, Hux stopped him with that icy poise and regal civility.

“Supreme Leader, if I may speak?”

Kylo looked at Hux’s bowed head with confusion, glanced up at Snoke and when he found Snoke was uninterested in matching his stare, he went back to looking at Hux. Of course, Hux gave nothing away.

“You may speak,” Snoke allowed, though there was treachery in his voice that begged for light-footedness.

Head picked up high, chin and chest forward, eyes confidently set on Snoke’s, Hux bravely announced, “I think it is unwise for Ren to be at the citadel until his wounds have healed.”

Snoke narrowed his beady eyes, sneering down at a seemingly unaffected Hux.

Kylo stared wide-eyed at Hux’s profile, stomach lurching nervously and heart pounding.

_What is he doing?_

Why Hux would dare to call Master Snoke ‘unwise,’ was beyond Kylo – if Hux wanted to pick a fight, that was the wrong way, the wrong person, the wrong place and the wrong time. Hux must have had a death wish to question him.

What Kylo feared most in the moment was that he would not be able to protect Hux from Snoke’s wrath.

“You don’t care for my training methods, General?”

 _Stop now or he will kill you_ , Kylo sent to Hux – Hux showed no visible response and did not reply inside his own head.

Kylo was rapidly beginning to feel desperate.

“I could never speak to your training methods, Supreme Leader,” Hux assured, “I command an army, run several demanding projects simultaneously and have seen the fall of many, many men. I believe that if I deliver Ren to you in his current condition, he will expire before his training can be completed or he will weaken himself where he should be strengthening himself. He needs time to heal.”

There was a deafening silence and then Snoke ordered Kylo to leave.

He was very hesitant to do so – Hux still wouldn’t meet his eyes and he couldn’t understand what was happening or why. It felt like a nightmare. His hesitation enraged Snoke and that earned him a booming demand to leave at once or Snoke would ‘kill the General where he stands!’

How Hux remained entirely unperturbed by that threat while Kylo felt the reality and impending doom of that threat, Kylo would never understand. He left quickly then, shutting the doors behind him, but not leaving the hall. He was too fearful for Hux to leave him entirely alone.

He could not hear the conversation unfolding with his naked ears from beyond the obsidian doors, but the longer the doors were shut, the more frightened for Hux he grew. The more time that passed, the less likely it was that Hux would emerge from that conference chamber at all.

Kylo thought it was understandable then, that he was well and truly shocked when the doors swung open and Hux came storming out, his high cheekbones and ears red, his brow furrowed and heart pumping too hard – to Kylo’s disbelief, Snoke’s hologram was _still there_.

Meaning that _Hux had walked out on Snoke_.

“Do you hear me, boy?!” Snoke’s voice echoed, “ _Remember your place_!”

Hux spun around to face Snoke at the open entryway and with wild eyes and a flustered face, he shouted back, “I damn well know my _place_ and it is on _this ship_ with **_my_** _army_! _You_ delivered Kylo Ren unto me, _you_ titled him co-commander and that means he and I are _partners_ – we are a _team_. Any other Knight of Ren can neglect their health and die at your feet, I’ll send you troopers by the ton if you need cannon fodder, you can strip me of my Officers and engineers, but _you_ gave _this_ responsibility to _me_! Ren is unfit to travel, unfit to train and until _my_ appointed medical advisors and _I_ give clearance, he _will **not**_ be _leaving **my ship**_!”

Before Kylo could form a coherent response to what was occurring around him, Hux grabbed him by the upper arm and started tugging him away, saying loudly enough for Snoke to hear, “come along, Ren. You need rest and solid food.”

Kylo looked over his shoulder to watch Snoke’s haunting, highly displeased hologram vanish and then stumbled into step with Hux. He watched Hux’s profile, examined the blotchy red blush spreading down to his neck, tried to get Hux to look at him, but to no avail.

“What have you just done?” Kylo asked, thinly veiled horror coating his voice.

“I’ve bought you time before training is what I’ve just done,” Hux answered in a quick huff, “Now, we’re stopping at your quarters for basic belongings and you’ll be staying with me in mine until I deem you healthy enough to be on your own. I will not release you until I am certain you will return in one piece. I would be a neglectful leader if I settled for anything less.”

Hux could have been speaking another language for how confused Kylo was.

“You… you just _defied_ Master _Snoke_ …”

Kylo hadn’t meant for so much awe to dawn across his face and admission, but how could it not?

 _General Hux_ had just defied _Master Snoke_ on _his_ account.

“He is not my _Master_ ,” Hux mumbled angrily, turning Kylo down another hall leading to his rooms, “He is just another pestering bureaucrat that thinks because he knows what a fish _is_ that he knows _how_ to fish! All my career, bureaucrats left and right have demanded things be done quicker, better, more and more – all while having no idea what goes into the work and he is no different. A Commanding Officer – or a _good_ Commanding Officer, I should say – does not send _injured soldiers_ into battle unless it’s entirely necessary.”

Hux shook his head, his upper lip curled in repugnance, “your training is not necessary at this very moment, there is no imminent danger! You _have time_! Time is of the essence in war and as a man who commands an army, I fully understand the need for high quality warriors, the importance of training, conditioning and reconditioning and readying them for combat, but you _need rest_. Must be out of his damn mind to think you’re in suitable condition for – for – sparring, deprivation chambers, intensive training – all that is far too physically demanding for you right now! I won’t stand for it, Ren. I just won’t.”

There was little to do but smile.

Ren had never seen someone do anything so daring (or ill-advised) on his behalf.

He had never felt so appreciated, so cared after – that Hux worried after him made him feel lighter and glad – more than he could remember feeling in his life.

He tore his arm from Hux’s grip and when Hux swiveled on his shined boots to, in all likelihood, forcibly take the offending arm back, Kylo wrapped his hand around Hux’s.

Glancing once at their twined hands and then up to Kylo’s eyes, Hux bit the inside of his cheek and silenced himself.

Kylo smirked at him, “I’ve never heard you speak so much at once.”

Hux rolled his eyes and Kylo noticed that tremor in Hux’s hand again as he said, “yes, well… even I can loosen the reigns at times. My temper is a dangerous one when it’s not under control. Remember the whole Viper story? Still holds true, it seems.”

“I see that,” Kylo agreed, looking at Hux’s hand in his, rubbing his thumb over Hux’s palm, “Why do your hands shake like that? I see it only happens when you’re emotions are out of check, but I don’t sense fear on you. What did he say to you that has your hands shaking?”

Quiet crawled between them for a few moments, but when Hux decided to answer, he said it with certainty and trust.

“Knowing my place.”

Kylo looked back at Hux’s face and as soon as he did, it would seem Hux lost the courage to stare into Kylo’s eyes. Hux looked down and away, his hand still trembling slightly.

“My father says that constantly. He’s told me my entire life to ‘remember my place,’ and whenever I asked where that was, he would tell me I didn’t have one. That was the lesson to take from it – to remember that I belonged nowhere. It’s something like a… trigger-phrase. It sets off this switch in me and I can’t…”

The way Hux trailed off and the way the confident gleam left his eyes at that confession was very telling. Kylo ached on Hux’s behalf.

“You’ve got a place.”

With a bewildered type of expression that was inexplicably endearing, Hux looked back up at him with a quirked brow and Kylo explained, “ _here_. You’re here, here is real, you are real and so am I.”

The implication was strong and Hux very visibly picked up on it.

 _“Your place is here, with me_ ,” was not something Kylo had to actually say.

Hux understood it without Kylo having to say anything.


	6. First Kiss

Hux was newly thirty-three the first time he kissed Ren.

“You didn’t tell me it was your birthday.”

An aggressive silence.

Then; “I distinctly recall telling you to let me be if my eyes are shut.”

“You opened them for a moment.”

“To see what time it was to see if I could sleep longer.”

“Right, but you opened them.”

Hux groaned in annoyance and sat up in his bed, his hair a mess, imprints from his pillow left on his face and his dog tags hanging backwards around his neck. Living with Ren had made him far too comfortable in his own skin.

He blinked until his sight came into focus, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, sighed and gathered enough energy to glare sleepily at Ren. Ren looked far too wakeful for his taste. He sometimes wondered if Ren actually slept at all.

“What does my birthday matter, exactly?”

“Nothing at all, if you don’t want it to.”

Flopping back down onto his bed with a bothered, exhausted sigh, Hux rubbed his temples and complained, “I’m _old_. Why should there be a day allotted to acknowledge that my body has decayed further? Congratulations, if no one assassinates you, you eat well to avoid irreversible damage to your heart and no vicious disease takes hold of you, then you can look forward to a long descent into neurofibrillary tangles and amyloid plaques, aching and withering away in your weathered body while your brain diminishes into _nothing_.”

“You know, your upbeat attitude can really grate on me sometimes.”

Hux snorted a laugh, reaching out blindly to push Ren off the side of his bed in mock offense. He wanted to go back to sleep, but he had to be at the control bridge soon anyway. With little energy at his disposal, he decided to shove his knee into Ren’s tailbone in a mimic of kicking him off.

“You’re a young General of the First Order, you’ve defied Supreme Leader, you’ve seen countless battles, you survived the collapse of Starkiller – I don’t know that your birthday needs to be an acknowledgment of inescapable death, but it could be an acknowledgment of how unlikely it is that you’re still here.”

Hux opened his eyes to look up at Ren – he was dressed down in loose pajamas, his hair was down and sort of wavy. Hux had observed that Ren’s hair would get wavy during sleep and he’d wake up every work cycle with that curl in his hair until he showered. It was pretty, in a way.

“Unlikely?”

“Odds of your survival were pretty slim,” Ren replied easily, “You defied the odds. And when Death comes knocking on your door, I’ve been witness to the habit you have of spitting in its face and slamming the door on it.”

Hux laughed again and sat up on his elbows. He glanced at his clock on his bedside table and surrendered to getting up earlier than usual. He flipped up the blanket and said, “yes, fine – what sort of ‘acknowledgment,’ would you like to have?”

“That isn’t a question for me,” Ren answered, watching Hux pick out that cycle’s uniform from his wardrobe, “That’s a question for you.”

“Hmm,” Hux hummed thoughtfully, staring out his viewport and wondering aloud, “Some honey mead would do nicely. And perhaps putting off some work, as a treat to myself. That satisfy the ‘acknowledgment,’ parameters?”

“If that’s your idea of a celebration, then yes. What about gifts?”

“ _Gifts_?” Hux asked incredulously, “Have I given you cabin fever by keeping you cooped up in here for more than a standard week? I don’t need gifts.”

“Gifts aren’t supposed to be things you _need_ ,” Ren argued, standing up from the bed and walking up to Hux, “They’re supposed to be things you _want_.”

When Hux turned to make a snide response to the dangers of wanting, he was met with the very monster that taught him that lesson.

Not that he would ever admit that out loud.

Ren was standing not two feet apart from him, staring at him in that way that made Hux feel troublingly transparent. He swallowed roughly and shook his head, “I don’t want anything.”

The way Ren tilted his head made Hux’s heart leap and so he did what first came to mind – he redirected the conversation.

“What’s something you want?” Hux asked.

Ren answered almost instantly, “I’d like my facial scar taken away.”

Intrigued, Hux asked why. Ren looked at him as though he were daft.

“I look – _bisected_. It doesn’t bother you?” Ren wondered.

“No,” Hux replied, confused as to why any scar would bother him, “Not at all. It really bothers you that much?”

Ren combed a hand through his hair, brushing it back and he answered, “I’m not – I’ve never been attractive, but the scar… it feels like a constant reminder that no one will ever really see beyond it.”

_Unacceptable._

“That’s nonsense,” Hux responded gently – more gently than he had intended to sound, “You’re very handsome – scar or not, you’re fit. Very fit. And rather handsome – perhaps not in the most conventional ways, but certainly, inarguably handsome. Undeniably so. And anyone who begs to differ has very poor taste.”

_I’ve said too much._

Instantly Hux knew he had said too much because Ren was looking at him with those turning cogs in his eyes, that glistening – the starry glitter that meant he was reading into things. 

Hux looked down to try and conceal the scarlet he could feel heating up his face and ears. He opened his mouth to divert attention, when Ren suggested in barely a whisper, “…you want to kiss me…?”

One long stride backward had Hux bumping into his wardrobe and he hated that – he hated the way Ren could unnerve him and he used to be good at hiding it. He used to be good at concealing anxiety or doubt and he still was when Ren wasn’t present, but when Ren _was_ present, it was as if all his training was just shot to Hell.

Ever since his confrontation with Snoke, Hux had been a right mess.

It was a struggle to meet Ren’s questioning gaze, but once he did, he lost all ability to speak. 

He had never seen an expression like the one Ren wore. Not on anyone – he wasn’t sure what it meant.

“You should.”

“Should what?” Hux asked helplessly, feeling lost and dizzy.

“Kiss me. You should. You should kiss me.”

Silence followed.

_You look like you don’t understand what I’m saying._

“I don’t,” Hux breathed out in response.

Ren stepped into his space again – they were toe-to-toe and Hux couldn’t hear anything beyond the blood rushing in his ears. He looked up at Ren and Ren was staring at his mouth, color filling up his own face.

“Tell me I’ve read your energies right,” Kylo begged, “Tell me I’m right. You want to. It’s what you want – for your birthday. You want to kiss me.”

“I…”

Without the ability to respond coherently, Hux floundered and Ren, for some reason, could not be deterred. He picked Hux’s hands up and placed them over his chest – Hux thought the purpose of doing that was so he could feel the way Ren’s heart was pounding. And it was – it was pounding violently. 

“You…?”

Hux swallowed roughly again and murmured, “I want… I want to kiss you…”

Ren smiled beautifully at him and it was so sincere, so suddenly disarming, Hux felt his stomach go weightless at the mere sight of it.

He spread his fingers experimentally over Ren’s chest, then slid his hands up to Ren’s neck, watching how the lights shifted in his eyes, making certain that Ren was unopposed. 

“You’re being gentle with me,” Ren whispered.

Ren was standing so close, Hux could feel the words ghost across his lips and his eyes fluttered shut. He replied, “you’re not someone I want to hurt.”

Hux was glad he couldn’t see Ren’s reaction to that and he didn’t leave room for Ren to respond verbally – he probably couldn’t handle whatever Ren would say back anyway. He cupped either side of Ren’s jaw and pulled Ren down that inch or so, kissing him and wondering where his sanity went.

One of his hands curled into Ren’s hair, which elicited a loud moan that resonated through the entire length of Hux’s body. His blood was starting to boil pleasantly – he loved the idea that Ren was so easily excitable. 

He pulled back enough to mutter quickly, “you can touch me, Ren. I want you to,” and then he kissed Ren again, unwilling to face any potential rejection or humiliation at his confession.

The fear of rejection or humiliation was instantaneously erased – Ren’s hands all but scrambled to grab onto Hux, hold his hips, his waist, his flanks, lifting his sleep shirt while they traveled across Hux’s torso. Ren’s hands were broad and calloused and _promising_. He made an unintentional keening noise against Ren’s mouth and Ren breathed in sharply, his grip around Hux getting tighter and then, without warning, Hux was being lifted off the floor.

Hux’s hands planted themselves on Ren’s shoulders, his legs wrapping around Ren’s waist to assure he wouldn’t fall and when he tore his mouth away to look down at the floor and then back to Ren’s eyes, he found pupils blown wide in already dark, bedroom eyes. His heart thudded painfully against his ribcage, but he made no arguments as Ren directed them back toward Hux’s bed.

Ren dropped him down onto the plush sheets and then claimed the space between Hux’s legs, crawling over him and towering around Hux, curtaining their faces with his hair and framing Hux’s upper body with his flexing arms. Hux was breathless and agonizingly hard – so, of course, Ren had to bring attention to it.

“You like the way I kiss you.”

“Ren, I swear to –“

“You want me to touch you.”

Hux thought to himself that he must be some dark shade of maroon, but Ren didn’t look like he wanted to crack jokes. He looked _starved_ and his full lips were shining and tantalizingly close. Hux thought then that there wouldn’t be any harm in playing along. Clearly, Ren liked hearing – 

Hux smirked.

_Ren likes being praised…_

Having just that bit of leverage instilled more confidence in Hux and he ran his hands down Ren’s chest, stomach, down to the defined muscles in his lower abdomen and when he slipped just his fingertips past the waistband of Ren’s cotton pants, he looked back up into Ren’s eyes and said, “you’ve a beautiful body, Ren.”

Reward had never been so fulfilling – watching Ren’s ears turn dark was _thrilling_. 

Hux bit, licked then released his bottom lip and murmured, close to the corner of Ren’s mouth, “I want it.”

Ren gasped when Hux bit into his neck and Hux couldn’t help but think it sounded beautiful.


	7. First Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: This whole chapter is explicit sex. You've been warned!

Kylo had no age to ascribe to falling in love for the first time.

There was no one event where he tripped and fell into some chasm or some one way their eyes met or hands touched – Kylo wasn’t sure when he fell in love with General Hux.

He was twenty-nine when he realized it, though.

He had two slick fingers inside Hux and Hux’s throbbing cock in his mouth and if Hux hadn’t given very vocal, undying adoration to the way Kylo’s drool pooled and dripped around it, Kylo would’ve been embarrassed. 

There was no precedent to it, so Kylo had no idea how much he’d enjoy it.

Hux had one arm bent back behind his head of messy hair, gripping onto his bed sheets and his other hand was wrapped around tresses of Kylo’s hair. When Kylo’s tongue rubbed the length of the underside of Hux’s cock, that fist in his hair would tighten and Kylo would involuntarily drool more, eyes fluttering shut and rolling back. He had no idea pain could be pleasurable in the right doses until then.

Hux was bare, legs spread, chest heaving and his blush spread down to his sternum. Even an icon of sin, he looked Angelic to Kylo. He kept singing Kylo’s praises, telling him how beautiful he looked, how his mouth was so perfect, how _he_ was so perfect and precum was dripping from the head of Kylo’s cock for that alone. 

By the third finger, Hux was thrusting down onto Kylo’s hand, trying to take control, gasping and groaning and looking entirely debauched. His neck and back arched and he made some desperate noise before whining, “ _Kylo_ – _now_ , now – I want you, _please_ …”

It was sweet, it was wanton, it was full of desire and still adorably polite and Kylo…

…Hux had said “Kylo,” hadn’t he?

Kylo pulled his mouth off Hux, still thrusting his fingers in and out, turning them just slightly and making Hux buck and throw his head back. 

“Tell me your first name, Hux. It’s only fair.”

There must have been no blood left in Hux’s skull, because he didn’t even hesitate.

“Ari,” Hux gasped, “You can call me Ari – just get up here.”

 _Ari?_ Kylo sent him, removing his fingers and wiping them off on one of the corners of Hux’s bed sheet, _Is that short for something?_

 _Aurelien_ , Hux answered, winding his arms around Kylo’s neck and dragging him down to kiss him senseless, _It’s a terrible name and I hate it but you can use it if you want. Just you. Can’t have anyone else knowing. Just you._

 _I like that_ , Kylo admitted, losing his breath while Hux tongued his mouth and arched up to grind against him, _I like that name and I like being the only one who knows._

 _Sit back on your haunches_ , Hux ordered.

Kylo didn’t waver or resist – he pulled himself up and sat back on his calves, his cock bobbing and still dripping between his parted thighs. Hux crawled toward him, watching with fascination and pupils blown round and wide like a hunting cat’s until he had all of Kylo’s length in his mouth, the head rubbing the back of his throat. 

Without meaning to, Kylo _shouted_ at the onslaught of sensory input and several lights overhead shattered at the surge of energy from him. Thankfully, they were not near the bed, but Kylo was still embarrassed he’d lost control of his powers like some prepubescent – 

“Do that again,” Hux told him, voice hoarse and raspy, “And it’s okay to thrust. Break whatever – just let me have this a little longer.”

There were no words for how worshipped and overwhelmed Kylo felt, so he just nodded uselessly and then he was being swallowed down again, a tongue moving back and forth as Hux’s head moved up and down the shaft, making an indescribable cycle of sensations. 

When Hux’s lips wrapped securely around the head and he _suckled_ , his tongue tickling the slit, Hux’s desk flipped over and Kylo’s right hand found Hux’s scalp as if he needed something to hold him down and keep him from floating away. 

At Hux’s encouraging groan, Kylo nearly wept – he had never known pleasure like that and it felt like everything inside him was molten gold. 

He thrust two or three times into Hux’s mouth before pleading with him to stop, or he wouldn’t be able to actually _fuck_ Hux which was apparently what Hux wanted.

Reluctantly ( _so reluctantly_ ), Hux pulled off him, then he used his own hand to cover Kylo with shining slick. Then Hux straddled him, keeping one hand securely on Kylo’s shoulder and the other behind him, around the base of Kylo’s cock, guiding him inside. 

The moment the blunt head of Kylo’s cock slid against the wet, smooth and tight muscle of Hux’s opening, Kylo had flung his arms around Hux and dug his nails into Hux’s back, inexplicably scared to let go.

Seating himself was a torturously slow ordeal, but once Hux was fully seated in Kylo’s lap, panting, sweating and usually pristine hair a complete mess, he smiled wickedly at Kylo. 

“If you’d told me you were a virgin, I’d have taken things slower.”

Kylo blushed to his hairline and muttered, “how do you know?”

“It just occurred to me – if you’d ever done this before, you’d have known about the lights and… furniture destruction.”

Kylo rested his forehead against Hux’s collarbone, hiding his embarrassment.

“I’m sorry if I’m not –“

“You’re doing wonderfully,” Hux reassured him, petting his hair back, “You’re _incredible_.”

Whining, Kylo’s cock pulsated inside Hux and Kylo could feel Hux smirk against his temple.

“Are you ready?”

“Ready?”

Hux’s hands cupped his face, bringing Kylo’s dazed eyes up to face him. Hux’s icy irises were thin rings around those pupils and they were so glazed with want – Kylo shuddered pleasantly at being pinned by them. Being the focus of them.

All while maintaining eye-contact and gauging Kylo’s reaction, Hux lifted himself halfway and then sat back down roughly, sending a tidal wave through Kylo’s body – everything not secured to the floor began to shake. Neither noticed yet.

“Good?” Hux asked breathlessly.

Kylo nodded, “good.”

Hux slid his hands down Kylo’s neck, his fingers applying this incredible pressure along his clavicle and he bounced again, cursing under his breath and making Kylo’s heart stutter.

“I – can I – can I lie down?” Kylo asked.

His head was swimming and he was frankly, a fair bit nervous. He wasn’t sure of what – he just was. Hux nodded back to him and helped adjust their position so Kylo’s legs could spread out over the bed and his head could rest against one of the pillows. 

Kylo looked up at Hux who was still straddling him, watched how that sheen of sweat made him glitter like a moonstone, pale and beautiful over him. Hux’s hands spread over his abdomen just as Kylo grasped Hux’s thighs and Kylo felt his muscles quiver under Hux’s tender touch.

Under the hold of his palms, Kylo felt Hux’s thighs tense up, then Hux was rising and falling again, putting some of his weight onto where his hands were balanced and Kylo’s nails dug into that pale skin, running down Hux’s thighs as his tempo turned relentless and demanding.

The harder and faster Hux rode him, the more Kylo lost hold of his powers, too distracted with Ari – Aurelien Hux – _General Aurelien Hux_ – _riding_ him, looking blissed out, his back bowing gracefully, the apple of his throat bobbing, his hair looking like licking flames – it was a good distraction.

Heat and pressure built low in Kylo’s abdomen and he warned Hux, “ _stars_ – Hux, _Ari_ – I’m gonna come – _I_ –“

“ _Yes_ ,” Hux moaned, finally picking his head up and opening his eyes.

He looked around the room and everything that wasn’t perfectly secured to the floor was floating at about eye-level in the air. Glasses, bottles, the wardrobe, books, holopads, papers, remotes, clocks – all just floating around.

“You’re amazing,” Hux breathed and Kylo’s heart thudded.

He slid one hand from Hux’s thigh to Hux’s cock and when Hux gasped in response to the touch, he tightened around Kylo, making Kylo buck and groan, which shook everything in the room. Hux laughed, but it was more like a trembling exhale of disbelief than truly at Kylo’s expense. 

He pound down onto Kylo while Kylo’s hand tightened around him, pulling with just enough pressure and when Hux came, striping Kylo’s chest, all those tight, overheated muscles inside him spasmed around Kylo’s cock, dragging his orgasm from him.

The lights flickered on and off as he came, some of them broke – miscellaneous items went flying across the room and only once he was entirely spent did the room resume it’s typical… inanimateness. The place was a disaster, but Kylo tried to convince himself he’d get better at reigning it in. He had a suspicion, however, that Hux would never let this get old.

When Kylo opened his eyes to look at Hux, maybe thank him for… something, he wasn’t sure – it just felt right to thank him – Hux was bent back. His long torso was spread and stretched out, making him look serpentine and lovely. His aura was a shining yellow, amber and honey gold, joyous and breathtaking. 

It was when Hux’s opaque lashes fluttered and his eyes opened as if from a happy dream and their eyes met that Kylo realized he had fallen in love with Hux.

He wasn’t sure if that was wise or right or reciprocated or good – he didn’t know what it meant, what it would lead to – if anything at all. All he knew was that he loved Hux.

Yes, looking up at Hux’s sweat-glistening skin, his sharp eyes, his kiss-swollen lips, his strong jaw, mussed hair, sated smile and glowing aura, Kylo knew.

He loved Hux.


	8. First Confession

Hux was thirty-five the day he confessed.

Kylo had been planet-side before, seen battle, gone on missions – he’d completed his training with Snoke and he was fine. He was _fine_. He was handsome, he was fit, he was healthy, he was fun to spar with, he was talented with his tongue and he had learned Hux’s body nearly as well as he’d learned how to use his own for Hux’s benefit.

It wasn’t that Hux didn’t have faith in Kylo – he did. He had unending in faith in Kylo, bottomless faith in Kylo. Kylo was as stubborn as they come, he was a cyclone with lengthy fangs and sharp claws and dark magic. He was an unstoppable force. And Hux loved him.

He just… hadn’t found the courage to say it yet.

His faith in Kylo wasn’t diminishing, but he worried. This mission – facing down Luke Skywalker and the Rebel girl would be different and Kylo had been having so many conflicting prophetic visions about the outcome, all Hux could do was worry.

It took the thought – just the rational, entirely plausible thought – that he might, just possibly lose Kylo that had him pacing through the work cycles, waking up intermittently through the sleep cycles and actually contemplating defection.

He couldn’t think of any other way of keeping Kylo truly safe and he’d never wanted to protect someone or something before – he had never _loved_ someone so much. So, despite defection meaning he’d lose his rank, his army – everything he fought, sweat, bled and cried for, he’d walk away from it all for a chance to spend the remainder of his natural life with Kylo in peace.

Rehearsing that in his head was infinitely easier than saying it out loud, as it turned out.

When Kylo would ask him why he wasn’t able to sleep through the cycle, when Kylo would chide him for poor posture or pacing a hole into the floor, Hux would open his mouth to say it – say it all, just come clean…

And he’d freeze.

He’d see Kylo gazing at him with those night sky eyes, face scarred and dotted with beauty marks, hair like a ravens' feathers, lips always in a half-smile just for being under Hux’s attention – he’d look at Kylo and his whole body would surrender, boneless. His spirit would slump, his drive would pool somewhere lower than the floor and he’d mutter, “nevermind,” and go back about pacing or actively not sleeping.

Having Kylo in his bed was a gift – Kylo’s arms were enormous, encapsulating and when they wrapped around him during the sleep cycle, it was like some not-quite-right Guardian Angel was securing him, ensuring his safety. Kylo was warm and his heart would beat so steadily between Hux’s shoulder blades, his fingers would so readily twine with Hux’s and even in his sleep, Kylo would return kisses and not remember when he woke. Kylo was endlessly good to him.

Hux used to think order was what he wanted – _needed_ – and that order, reason and logic was worth his very life – the lives of millions, in fact. Instead, Hux found chaos personified and foolishly fell deeply in love with it, only to find that chaos was all he had ever needed and all he could ever want.

Hux was thirty-five and Kylo was thirty-two and boarding a ship that would take him somewhere far, far away where Hux couldn’t kiss him in his sleep, couldn’t wrap himself in Kylo’s arms and make himself real and safe again when everything was too dark and too cataclysmic to bear.

They had spent the entire prior sleep cycle sweating, kissing, touching and, on Kylo’s part, breaking everything around Hux’s room – but those loving bruises on Hux's neck and thighs would fade and the scent of Kylo's sweat and musk on his bed sheets would be washed away eventually and Hux’s heart was _breaking_ , watching Kylo board that vessel with no guarantee that Kylo would return.

Kylo felt his distress and he knew that because Kylo turned to face him with a furrowed brow. The other Knights of Ren were boarding and he lagged behind, walking up to Hux and looking at him quizzically.

“Ari,” Kylo murmured gently, “what’s wrong? What’s going on?”

“Nothing, I…” Hux glanced around, surrounded by his army, and still he didn’t feel safe, “it’s nothing.”

Kylo seemed reluctant to let it go at that, but he had long learned not to invade Hux’s mind uninvited. He also knew not to kiss or touch Hux in view of his subordinates – they’d kept this secret for years and Hux hoped he’d have Kylo to keep for many more to come, secret or not.

He worried, though.

Conceding, Kylo nodded another goodbye to Hux and turned to leave again. As he walked up the boarding ramp, Hux’s heart started racing out of control and all he could think was that he’d regret the rest of his life if he didn’t make sure that Kylo _knew_.

“Hey!” Hux exclaimed, running down to the ramp.

Kylo turned to face him and standing a few feet apart, Hux looked at him, blood pressure still on the rise and he said simply and inelegantly, “before you go… I… I’m in love with you.”

Kylo’s eyes widened like Hux had never seen before and he ducked his head, blushed deeply, clenching and unclenching his hands in a nervous tic Kylo always noticed.

“So. Yes… that’s… that’s all.”

Kylo stepped toward him and influenced Hux to meet his gaze.

His smile was soul-shaking, private, meant just for Hux, glowing in his eyes and Hux’s heart was on the verge of imploding.

“Is that so?”

Between the sheets and the years together, Kylo had learned just what octave his voice had to be at to give Hux chills, make his knees weak and he was abusing that wonderful power.

He crowded Hux’s space, tilted his head and kissed him chastely, sweetly and with shy fingertips just brushing Hux’s overheated cheekbone. When he pulled away, it was only enough so that what he said next could be heard only by Hux.

“Seems you’re in luck, General,” Kylo whispered against his lips, “I love you as well.”

Hux had never really considered his affections being requited, mostly because his anxiety and personal doubts would drive him to nightmarish scenarios that were best to stay away from so he opted not to think about the matter at all. The shock of hearing it, of being assured that Kylo was sincere because he was _always_ sincere, of his rare and unlikely and wounded and bleeding love actually… _actually_ being _returned_ …

“No tears,” Kylo said gently, still smiling gorgeously, “I’ll be home soon.”

“Please promise me that,” Hux uttered, his voice breaking just a little on his whisper.

Kylo leaned his forehead against Hux’s, sending him an image of a white-gold ring hidden away in Kylo’s quarters (which he rarely used). Hux made a small gasp and Kylo gladly told him, “I promise. I’ll be home soon. I have plans to see through. Consider it my insurance – I promise, Ari. I’ll be home soon.”

And what could Hux do but believe him?

 _I love you_ , Kylo sent him as he leaned in to kiss him one more time before boarding.

Tears of relief and worry still made Hux’s eyes hot, but he shut them and kissed Kylo back, hands not trembling at all; _I love you too, you menace._


End file.
